I just want to have friends, but things are very complicated for me in life. I just want to have some kind of future so that I can please my parents by not letting them down. I want people to love me. But what I have been able to realize for more than 17 years of my life is that for me everything is doomed, my desire to pull the trigger in my face more and more outweighs the desire to do anything and I don't know how to fight it. I just want to get some help so that I don't remain a stinking pile of garbage, living my life (or more accurately, an imitation of life) in the middle of nowhere. I've tried tons of therapists, but the more I realize my dire state, the more it gets worse. I don't know what to do anymore, but I think it would be easier to just give up. There is no further road for me, and having reached a dead end, I realize more and more that everything is a foregone conclusion for me.
I can't think of anything I could write here with such a tight character limit, so I guess..... I'll just leave it here and use the posts here to describe my thoughts better.
Age 17, male.
drawing.
school.
earth.
Joined on 10/27/22
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Just a thought out loud
Comments
@Gerdastreanaden
"sorry if I hurt you with this line"
Don't worry, you won't upset me. I have a thick skin.
I never mentioned attempts at rehabilitation because I don't believe they are effective. Therapy/psychiatry is just yet another avenue to get people on drugs.
My response was based off my own experience with these kinds of thoughts. Basically to tl;dr, no matter how you choose to justify quitting - it's a fairly basic concept to grasp that if you do nothing (give up), nothing positive will ever happen.
May as well do something and hope for the benefits to come along, but nothing is guaranteed. Don't wallow in self pity, it doesn't do any good for anyone.
Don't think anything bad about me, I don't feel sorry for myself, not in the slightest. If you saw a particle of pity somewhere in my comments, I would ask you to re-read the context. Realize that the therapists are not the only ones involved, otherwise it would be just words to nothing, useless, a simple waste of time. I can really guarantee you that I am trying, but I am also sure that for you it will be just words, because the point here is that even with all the efforts there is no way out, I have spent more than one night calculating my future and my main problem is that I have been doing this for too long, that I have been making a series of wrong decisions for too long and according to my calculations (it is convenient to have static figures at hand), in order for me to get out of the “cesspool” that I have dug for myself I have to be lucky to have an incomparably large series of luck, which is more likely to be comparable to winning the lottery several times in a row. You realize that this is a bit harder than any smoking cessation and it's not even that one is a bad habit and the other is closer to a chronic disease, not at all! The point here is that there is no way out of my situation for me and all I am doing now is prolonging the suffering of not only personal, but also other people's suffering, yet, as I have managed to say, in most cases I am nothing more than a simple abuza, a burden, a ballast. Therefore, I can say with accuracy to the unit that one person will not change life coordinately
@Gerdastreanaden
I think you may need to re-read them yourself if you don't see the obvious self pity. Lighten up, you're only 17. This is the easy part - try and enjoy life :)
I really tried to find a line about it after your words about self-pity, but either I stopped understanding what I was writing (which is unlikely), or you saw a potent context somewhere, which was not intended by me as the author of this creation. I also realize that my age is extremely small because of which you may have some preconceived notions about me, but you see, life is a hard thing and what will be one thing for one person will probably not be the same for another. I have highlighted to myself some factors that may be the cause of our misunderstanding, but that's not so important right now. What is important is that there is clearly a misunderstanding, so I would prefer and would advise you to finish this conversation (but due to my principles I am not able to do it myself), but it's up to you to decide. I'd also like to mention the topic of "enjoying life".... Because here either I don't understand your obvious joke, or you =or to be more precise, we) just had a conversation for nothing. I hope you get a better grasp of the topic at hand, or our discussion will degenerate into an argument, from which it could become a confrontation rather quickly. I hope you will be understanding
@Gerdastreanaden
It's not really that big of a deal. Peace.
U 2
DeaghlanNG
Things are guaranteed to get worse if you simply give up. At least if you try there is a chance you'll get what you want somewhere down the line.
May not be a completely satisfactory answer, but it's true.
Gerdastreanaden (Updated )
Do you really think there was no attempt at rehabilitation? It's a bit strange to write this comment when I was talking about the same therapists in the text itself. You just need to understand one truth, which I wrote about in the text: there have been attempts, but even those are futile. It is strange to think that there were no attempts to get out of this situation - it is the basic rule of a human being to fight to the last. But for myself I have already realized that while other people beat their heads against the wall and eventually break through it, I can at most get a concussion, and from here I can make a simple conclusion that everything is in vain for me - I am in an absolute dead end and the point of no return at the same time, so my way is closed to all four sides. There may have been a lot of use of the word “I” in this comment, but please don't think anything bad of it - this is in no way a hypocrite within me. You just need to accept a little truth, maybe your words are true, but our case is a little different, that's why we need a completely different view of the world, because your near-positive now will only make things worse (sorry if I hurt you with this line). If you try to delve into the situation, you can sometimes come to interesting conclusions, for example, if you calculate my income-expenses statistics, I come to the conclusion that my role in the family (and I have a very non-trivial) is a simple abuse, and from this we can conclude that every extra second I, like a common parasite, just siphon off all the juices from my family.